Love at first

It was love. At first, sightseeing in London, the big apple, Beijing. Taiwan, she got sick what does he do?! Lost his mind, starts chanting, voodoo in the living room, praying to the god of Elzibar who he heard about through the woman in the market. Eventually Elzibar comes through him doesn’t he, so they’re sat there in the humid hotel room, with the TV on standby and next door the muffled sounds of channel 34, Taiwan now. (you know how it sounds) The demon pulls out a cigar, just starts smoking it doesn’t he, she’s in the other room, doesn’t know shit about it. So anyway, the demon, Elzibar says – “look, this bitch is crapping organs, it’s not what you fed her, it’s her body rejecting you.”
“Fuck off” he says, "I’m not stupid, you’re trying to get me on one of your 'I’ll make her better but it will cost your spleen' deals! I’ve read how you motherfuckers get down! What I want to know is, when this bitch does get well, who do I owe it to?!" Elzibar is impressed, the smoke says so, he exhales in the shape of the Eiffel tower, showing off. "You mean, you want to know who she’s got working for her, I’m very impressed Mr.Bane- two childhood fairies, an angel named Dionne, not exclusive mind you, works around three or four at the same time, but here he comes now telling you to get in the room and be with her." Making the wanker sign at ‘Dionne.’ “Look I’m out, zanzibarcaladarmuntounbatu-“ and he disappears. Smoke from the Sofa. Three seconds later she comes in the room, radiant, alive and virtually sexy compared to her former state. That bathroom is tired. “Oh baby, I feel so much better” and that was the last of it. Oh, except outside a car crashes into a lamppost-two dead? (Elzibar). The bitch was very grateful, very grateful indeed, she was a very grateful bitch, beautiful too. She had recovered from a very painful illness and she knew it was Elzibar, she knew his calling card, the car crash?! Come on! But she doesn’t tell him that she knows, just waits.
One day Elzibar is fucking a fox carcass in the forest, when she come to him as an apparition- ‘Elzibar, I owe you one don’t I?!’
‘uh-huh’ says Elzibar still fucking the carcass.
‘Elzibar’ she whispers, ‘Elizibar, I want it deep.’
‘The refrigerator’ he mumbles, ejaculating.
In this way the two began to ruin what was love at first, both communicating between the demon Elzibar and both not telling the other, but Elzibar subsequently given free range on at least one mortal event. The refrigerator referred to a later incident where the electrician is rushed to hospital after coming to fix a broken fridge. ‘Whoa!’ this guy is thinking, ‘who does this chick think she is trying to fool?! I know a broken refrigerator when I see one, but that looked like something…what if I was gonna fix that fridge?!’ It was over from here, three’s company,and once meddling with the dark forces, there is seldom return to sanity, stability in the relationship is often sacrificed during such pursuits. Elzibar by now already wasted off the two of their deceit, demonism, gangrene infatuation/lust.
One day Mr.Bane is looking at a bank statement when she walks in, “who is ‘Janida Ltd, might I ask? &Why is there are standing order of £60 .76 on our account?” The bitch is chewing pistachios. ‘I don’t bloody well know’ she spits.
‘WITCHERY!!’ Bane is furious, ‘TREACHEROUS HOUND!’ he is yelling, ‘BY THE DEVIL COMES THIS STANDING ORDER! BY THE DEVIL YOU HAVE MOISTENED YOUR LIPS TO CURSE THIS HOUSE TO OBLIVION! AND BY THE DEVIL YOUR SICKNESS RETURNS!’ by now speaking in tongues so he is. She, not surprised, starts inhaling and exhaling emphatically, the two start going at it curse for curse, demon conjures demon, witch counters witch, spirit slain to creature in waiting, the climax to the occult accumulation of knowledge pertaining to evil that had been going on for six months, and the neighbors call the cops. Concerned by the diseased rat stuffed in the toaster, they began to keep one eye and an ear out-both hands on the bible. No one struck no one, that didn’t happen. In a mix up of all the smoke and blasphemy the coppers arrive and out comes the pepper spray, cue pepper spray gets EVERYWHERE no one is safe, the scuffle turns haphazard coppers half blind grasping Mr.Bane by now consumed devil to the core, slams him into the cabinet then to the floor and fatal concussion it is. It happens. The bitch is restrained never to be seen again. Sectioned! Only things she can see and only things she can hear from now on take the life out of here. It was love at first.

(this is a story about how a demon named Elzibar can ruin your relationship)